Enlighten Up! a blog

Building Bridges: And making repairs

8/1/2024

"Voyager, there are no bridges, one builds them as one walks." --- Gloria Anzaldúa

I first read this on a calendar of inspirational daily quotes many years ago. The quote was printed on the page for December 28th. It spoke volumes to me so I ripped it out and stuck it to my refrigerator. It has been with me through four refrigerators and three moves.

Does this quote have significance to my life and yours? Yes, it does. We build relationship bridges of friendship and intimacy with others but the most important bridge we can build, repair, maintain or upgrade is the one between our mind and our intuitive wisdom so we can cross back and forth with ease.

First we need to understand the mind. The mind is clever. Some even say the mind is a bullshit artist, telling us what we want to think and believe about ourselves and the state of our relationships with family, work, friends, likes and dislikes. How can we become aware of, and differentiate our mental bullshit habits from the important work our mind does? Simple. We have to wise up.

Why? Well, when we’re stuck in our mental bullshit, we are caught in our own drama and all too often can’t see beyond it. Intuitive wisdom gives us clarity about what we are thinking, believing and doing. It allows us to see and understand the why of what we think, believe and do and where those thoughts and beliefs came from.

Here’s a visual. Imagine a two-lane bridge with three sections. What does yours look like? The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco? The George Washington Bridge in New York? Or maybe it’s that cute little wooden bridge you walk across on your favorite hike. Now see that a section of the bridge on one end is your mind and a second section on the other end is intuitive wisdom. The middle section of this bridge is shared by both the mind and wisdom. If the middle section is damaged and the two-lanes blocked, we won’t gain clarity about the what and the why of our own mental drama. Our mission, if we choose to accept it, is to keep the middle section in good repair and the two lanes cleared of debris in order for messages to go back and forth. Here’s an example of how this works.

A core belief of “I’m not good enough,” can exist on both the mind section and the wisdom sections of the bridge. On the wisdom end, I’m not good enough, might be seen, and sourced as messages of unworthiness from family, friends, society and ourselves for any number of reasons like, race, sex, gender identification, class, physical or mental ability. On the mind end of the bridge, I’m not good enough, might be believed and expressed through depression, unhelpful attitudes, addictions and other self-sabotaging behaviors.

However, our wisdom, seeing where it comes from, and knowing that the core belief of, I’m not good enough, is not true, does its best to send that message to the mind over the middle section of the bridge. If the two lanes are blocked, damaged or have deep potholes, that message might not get across, but if your bridge is in good repair, the mind will receive the I am good enough, message, and may recognize where the I’m not good enough belief came from and why you believed it. In either case, steps can be taken to make a choice for positive change, keep the status quo with full knowledge of the consequences or find acceptance if change is not possible.

My favorite example of how the middle section of the mind/wisdom bridge can be repaired comes from a young boy who enrolled in the yoga program I organized for a summer camp. In addition to classes we were trying out yoga ‘interventions’ as a way to reduce the number of suspensions. If children were fighting or misbehaving and in danger of being sent home, they first went to see one of the yoga teachers who taught them some basic practices focused on self-awareness and centering. One young boy, who regularly got into fights, was taught to use a calming breath to help him make wiser choices. After his session he told the teacher, “I didn’t know I had a choice about how I act.”

In that moment, he cleared the middle section of his mind/wisdom bridge. He made the connection between what he thought and how he behaved. When we, like this boy, take the time to remove blocks of misunderstanding and misperception between our everyday mind and our intuitive wisdom, our lives will be easier to manage, even with the inevitable bumps we all experience.

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Paradoxically Yours: Walking the Grays

7/1/2024

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A paradox presents two conflicting ideas and relates them in a way that forces you to wonder if it's true or not. It defies logic and runs counter to one's expectations. A key component of critical thinking is the ability to accept and work with both sides of a paradox. One good example of a paradoxical statement comes from Pearl Bailey, actress, singer and author, who said, “Some of the biggest failures I ever had were successes.”

Here’s another example. There's a hotel described in a famous pop culture song where you can check out anytime but unfortunately, you can never truly leave. I think this means you can physically leave a difficult, confusing or traumatic situation but may not be able to easily leave behind the experience or how it makes you feel when you think about it. This is also true of positive and joyful experiences.

If you can see paradoxical ideas as both/and statements instead of black/white or right/wrong statements, you are able to accept that two things can be true at the same time. You are “walking the grays,” looking at things from all sides and all shades while gaining more clarity, contentment, and resilience. Here are three more paradoxes to think about:

If I know one thing, it's that I know nothing.
Deep down, you're really shallow.
Here are the rules: Ignore all rules.

Paradoxes also exist in the study of consciousness and self-awareness. It seems the more aware we become, the more we realize how much we don’t and never will know about our very existence in the universe. Given that, we can add another paradox to the above bulleted list:

The more I know, the less I understand

Sometimes poetry is the best way to express a paradox. Here’s mine.

Paradoxically Yours
Consciousness is a paradox
A puzzle, a riddle, a mystery,
So enlighten up as best you can
And express the truth you see.

For there's no beginning, no past, no end
Is the present a perfect w/hole?
To experience the answer
Let your practice be the goal.

But what need of practice if we're already there?
If Big Mind is ours and we see?
We practice to express who we truly are
To behave like the Buddhas we be.

Even so, we resist it, with our likes and dislikes
With our wants and our hopes, and our fears.
And we stumble along over pebbles and rocks
As our present/s grow into years.

All we do and try not to do
Catches us tight in a trap,
Surrender is the only way
To rise above the Gap.

Gratitude is the ticket
Self-awareness is the key
That will carry us through the waters
Of the universal See.

So rest, relax and be aware
Of Quantum reality
That connects one to all and all to one
And that’s the way it be.

When little mind softens to Big Mind
And we finally say, "I don't know"
Consciousness will jump for joy
And we’ll go with the flow.

So how do we surrender, rest, relax and be aware and shift our little mind to Big Mind? If you been reading my bog posts and newsletters you know my go-to answer is self-awareness and by that I mean the ability to see, understand and accept our complex and often paradoxical beliefs, habits and behavior without judgment. Then we can consciously choose to make changes, remain unchanged with full awareness of the consequences or find acceptance and peace of mind if change is not possible. Cultivating self-awareness is a lifelong journey that can be started at any age.

Self-awareness, is a state not a trait. We don’t find and keep our self-awareness. It will ebb and flow, shift and change depending on our situation and state of mind. Another question to consider is - why is self-awareness important? It’s important because if we move through our lives on autopilot with no awareness of our body, how we’re breathing, or our habits, routines, beliefs, emotions, impulses, and reactions, we lose power. When we become truly self-aware at the deepest levels, and learn to “walk the grays,” we will gain a better understanding of how and why we react the way we do to what life presents. Then the choices we make are conscious. Our responses are healthier, balanced and more productive. This requires attention and effort. It will take time, but the result will be more clarity, contentment and resilience.

If you’d like more information on this topic, you can read my blog post here. Then if you want more detailed information with stories, practices and a bit of humor sprinkled in, you can read my book Enlighten Up! You’ll find more information and a trailer to watch here. And keep a lookout for my next book on the topic titled, Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World – coming this fall! You can read my blog post on it here.

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ENLIGHTEN UP! a blog

Building Bridges: And making repairs

Paradoxically Yours: Walking the Grays

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