ENLIGHTEN UP! a blogSelf-awareness stories: lighting our way to clarity, contentment and resilience in a complicated world.
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 This is the last post in my blog series based on my book, Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World. If you missed the previous posts, you can read them here. Each post references a letter in the word Bitchcraft. This month it’s T for Tranquility. Tranquility can be defined as a state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled. Many spiritual paths discuss tranquility as the ability to remain calm and at ease no matter what happens. This state is said to be achieved by the deliberate use and management of one’s mind through meditation, prayer or ritual. I prefer the word management to control. Have you tried to control your mind recently? LOL! The word often used to describe the state of tranquility is detachment. Something seems to have gotten lost in the meaning of the word detachment from East to West. Western dictionaries define detachment as the state of not reacting to or being involved in something in an emotional way. The eastern definition of detachment is more like: finding and keeping a measure of mental or emotional stability and composure in all circumstances and especially under difficult ones. Maybe it seems like splitting hairs but let’s face it, remaining perfectly calm and at ease no matter what happens feels impossible but finding and keeping some measure of mental or emotional stability and composure is doable with practice. We humans are social and emotional creatures. When pleasant things happen to us we get excited. We want to celebrate and share the good news with others. When unpleasant things happen we become angry, frustrated, sad, stressed and disappointed and want or need to share what happened and how we feel with others. Most of us find this process therapeutic and the emotional support from others to be soothing. In practical terms things that send you over the edge and cause you pain, discomfort and rage by their very nature, carry a heavy emotional charge. When you are able to gain a measure of tranquility those types of experiences will still happen, but the emotional charge will gradually lessen in intensity. It doesn’t mean you’ll ‘bliss’ out and rise above the trouble in a bubble of tranquility. It means you’ll have owned your power and gained the necessary skill to choose productive responses to what happens; to manage your strong and sometimes difficult thoughts and emotions and to find ways to move through our crazy complicated world with a measure of tranquility. Put another way, you’ll learn to see things ‘as they are’ and not how you wish them to be. You’ll be able to take skillful action and release from the outcomes of those actions. This is a perspective most of us can work to accomplish even though our lives may be rife with situations that are unpleasant and unsatisfactory. Here is a suggested practices to help you walk the path of tranquility. Guided Relaxation In a guided relaxation the voice of the facilitator encourages you to focus on a variety of objects, sounds or experiences to help you reach a tranquil state. Many practices sourced from the yoga tradition start with awareness of and withdrawal of the senses – sight, smell, taste and touch. The sense of hearing remains active to tune into the voice guiding you through the exercise. You can find guided relaxations everywhere online. It’s important to listen to the voice, the words, the tone, and pacing in order to choose a voice and technique that is comfortable for you. You can visit my website at https://www.bethgibbs.com, sign up for my newsletter and get two tracks of a guided relaxation for free. If you are new to doing guided relaxation practices, or recovering from trauma, look for one that keeps you firmly grounded in the body. You can also choose a protective mental image such as a thick glass wall through which to watch what arises in your mind or body with a bit of detachment. This will enable you to dial down any anxiety or discomfort you might find yourself experiencing during the practice. At any time during the practice, it is always your choice to continue or withdraw completely. Understand that you, not the facilitator, are in control of your experience. Note: If you are one of the 15% of folks who encounter ‘Relaxation-Induced Anxiety,’ You may find it helpful to try the following technique before beginning your guided relaxation experience: 1. Try 2 to 5 minutes of Relaxation Breath, a breath technique that does four things at the same time. It:
Instructions
2. Use an essential oil. If the use of essential oils is new to you, try Lavender oil first as it is known for its calming properties. You can inhale it directly out of the bottle, use it in a diffuser or dilute it with a carrier oil and apply it directly to the pulse points on your wrists. If you are consistent with your chosen self-care practices, you’ll experience the ability to achieve a measure of tranquility more often and find yourself responding to situations from a tranquil state of awareness instead of a fight, flight or freeze stress reaction. Finding ways to practice tranquility in this complicated world we share is an important skill to embrace.
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 This is the ninth post in my blog series based on my book, Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World. If you missed the previous posts, you can read them here. Each post references a letter in the word Bitchcraft. This month it’s F for Flexibility Flexibility is a personality trait describing how a person copes with change, thinks about problems and responds when stressors, or unexpected events occur. It’s the ability to adapt to the ups and downs of life and commit to the journey of personal and spiritual growth and the transitions that come along with it. An African proverb says this about flexibility: The wind does not break the tree that bends. And even better is this quote I saw on a birthday card given to a friend ‘of a certain age.’ It said, The key to growing older gracefully is flexibility and a little attitude. Here’s another comment on flexibility from The Virtues Project, a global initiative, inspiring the practice of virtues in everyday life. They have produced a card deck with a variety of virtues to consider. Here are three concepts from their flexibility card:
This is not about physical flexibility, although being as flexible as your ability allows does have benefits such as experiencing fewer injuries, improved posture and balance, and yes, greater strength. But even if you are able to do splits, full backbends, put one foot behind your head and qualify for a spot in Cirque du Soleil, you may not be flexible where it counts the most - - - in your heart and mind. When you are confronted with difficult life situations, toxic people or uncomfortable memories, thoughts, and feelings, your ability to be flexible enables you to observe it all with a bit of detachment. You are able to ‘go with the flow.’ Sometimes the flow is with you and sometimes it’s against you, but when you are flexible, you are able to put things into perspective and respond with clarity instead of reacting from anxiety, conflict and fear. Mental flexibility allows you to see things from different perspectives in order to find solutions to problems or to understand another person’s point of view even if it is far different from your own. Flexibility is a skill that helps you move through the world, especially when the world you deal with every day has told you that you don’t belong in it. Flexibility helps you build the resilience you need in order to clap back appropriately, productively and empathetically. One key aspect of being flexible is the ability to accept and work with both sides of a paradox. A paradox is a statement that seems to oppose common sense and yet is perhaps true. Here’s an example from the Eagles song, “Hotel California,” You can check out any time, but you can never leave. I interpret this to mean you can physically leave a situation but may not be able to easily leave behind the experience or how it makes you feel when you think about it. This is true of both positive and troubling experiences. If you can see these paradoxical ideas as both/and statements instead of black/white, right/wrong statements, you are flexible in the best kind of way. You accept that two things can be true at the same time. You are doing what I call, ‘walking the grays,’ looking at things from all sides and all shades while gaining more clarity about our complicated world and your place in it. If you are flexible, you are also comfortable with diversity. You are able to appreciate the diversity that surrounds you in your community, the planet and the universe. You appreciate diverse ways of thinking. And even when you don’t agree with someone’s point of view or belief system, you are able to shift your perspective to see why they might interpret things the way they do. This makes it easier to have those needed, but difficult conversations to communicate, solve problems, resolve conflicts, and extend sympathy, empathy, compassion, and understanding to your friends, your social groups and even to those who you strongly disagree with. While some people have mental flexibility built into their personality, we can all learn to become more flexible with intention and practice. A Flexibility Practice: Try New Things Here are a few suggestions to help you become more flexible. To get started choose one idea and try it out over the next several weeks.
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AuthorBETH GIBBS started her yoga practice in 1968, four months after her son was born and she’s been practicing ever since. She currently teaches all levels therapeutic yoga classes for adults, and specialty classes for seniors in the Hartford, Connecticut area. Beth is a certified yoga therapist through the International Association of Yoga Therapists and is guest faculty at the Kripalu School of Integrative Yoga Therapy. She writes for the blogs, Yoga for Healthy Aging, and Accessible Yoga. Her master’s degree from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA is in Yoga Therapy and Mind/Body Health. Categories |
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