ENLIGHTEN UP! a blogSelf-awareness stories: lighting our way to clarity, contentment and resilience in a complicated world.
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 Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. – Thich Nhat Hanh The word joy has more than one definition and is open to a wide variety of interpretations but what is most important is how you choose to define and experience it for yourself. Joy is often described as delight or pleasure resulting from an unexpected but wonderful short-term experience. The first time I experienced this form of joy was during a family vacation in Maine. I was twelve years old. We were hiking up Mt Megunticook with friends. It was my first hike. The trail was steep and the day was hot. I was not a happy camper, but when we got to the top and I looked out over the landscape; I was suddenly in awe. I lost all sense of time and space. I was completely absorbed in the moment. It was sheer joy. It took my breath away and I have never forgotten that moment. Joy is also referred to as a longer lasting more permanent state. This definition seems to relate to the religious and spiritual sense of the word. It is perhaps what Joseph Campbell meant in his book, Reflections on the Art of Living, when he wrote, “We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.” There are two other words that often share space with joy. They are happiness and contentment. Happiness, is frequently defined as a short-term state of mind brought on by getting what you want in life; finding your soul mate, landing a dream job, winning the lottery, or finding that perfect little black dress that makes you look ten pounds thinner (I never found it 🤣). Like joy, happiness is also referred to as a longer lasting life state, as in – ‘may you live a happy life,’ or the title of Bobby McFerrin’s 1988 song, ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Contentment is usually seen as long-term satisfaction, meaning a state of balance, tranquility and peace. It’s also been described as a state of being that can defy circumstances because it’s possible to feel contentment in the middle of difficulty or uncertainty where feelings of joy or happiness may not be present. The terms joy, happiness, and contentment mean different things to different people in different situations and at different stages of life. I tend not to use the word ‘happy’ because, in my opinion, it has become an overused buzzword. If you browse the ever-expanding list of self-help books, you’ll find the word ‘happy’ in many of the titles. When I last searched that question online, Google found over 13,000! For me, joy is closely related to contentment. I think of contentment as a smooth calm lake that I float in. Joy is a sudden ripple that comes from an unexpected feeling of elation or a state of mind that visits when I’m totally absorbed in an activity I love. No matter how you define joy, experiencing it can result in a positive mental state that is linked to more life satisfaction, increased immunity, less disease and better mental health. One large-scale study of more than 2,000 twins suggested that around 50% of overall life satisfaction was due to genetics, 10% to external events, and 40% to individual activity and choice. These results show us that we can make choices to bring more joy into our lives. Make the choice to fill your joy tank.  Fill Your Joy Tank
Think of a joy tank as a mental construct you fill with your attitude, choices and actions. Here are three steps that can help the process along. 1. Build in time during your day to be a human being instead of a human doing. Too many of us rush around trying to do everything that we think needs doing or that others tell us needs to be done. Stopping for a moment to ‘do nothing,’ and practice Wu Wei, as the Japanese call it, is often seen as a ‘waste of time.’ Au contraire, my friend. Taking time to rest and restore is how you take your power back, and get centered. When you give yourself this gift you will gradually encourage and deepen feelings of calmness, safety, and security, which is fuel for your joy tank. 2. Tickle your funny bone. There is plenty of research that shows the benefits of laughing. Laughing a few times a day will help you deal with the little daily f**k-ups, glitches, snags, and stressors we all encounter. I’m sure you are familiar with the phrase, ‘laughter is contagious.’ It makes you more approachable and spreads joy around. Laughter is a welcome ripple in the lake of contentment. 3. Find a creative outlet. It can be anything you are drawn to from painting, knitting, writing, gardening or scrapbooking to name a few. Science is still uncovering proof that creativity in whatever form you are drawn to is helpful for managing stress, boosting your immune system and is beneficial for your overall mental health and well-being. Creative activities help us empty our minds and hearts of toxicity and can actually change our brains by releasing serotonin, dopamine and endorphins, the ‘feel good’ chemicals. Another source of fuel for your joy tank. It’s up to each of us to find, or recognize, activities, practices and experiences that fill our joy tanks and slow any drain resulting from life’s ups and downs. Keep these ideas in mind as you move through the holidays. May your joy tank always fill to overflowing.
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 We are the only ones responsible for what goes on in our lives. We can make excuses and blame others, but we are responsible to and for ourselves. - Iyanla Vanzant
Iyanla Vanzant’s quote echoes and reinforces this one from Ram Dass, I can do nothing for you but work on myself. You can do nothing for me but work on yourself. Working on yourself requires taking responsibility. Taking responsibility involves conscious actions such as following through on commitments and promises, and accepting the praise or accountability for the outcomes of those actions. We tend to think of responsibility as showing up for work on time, performing our jobs well, taking care of our families, paying bills and taxes and voting. All these responsibilities have consequences. If we do our jobs well, we may get a promotion or a raise. If we take care of our families, we hope our homes will be happy. If we pay our bills and taxes and vote we believe we are responsible citizens. That said, the responsibilities mentioned in the above paragraph are tasks and duties with an external focus we take on to meet our personal and civic responsibilities. If we take to heart the quotes of Iyanla Vanzant and Ram Dass, we will also take responsibility for the internal landscape of our thoughts, emotions beliefs and self-image. Both sets of responsibilities are interrelated. How we deal with our internal landscape reflects directly on how we are dealing with our external actions. We can’t focus on one without affecting the other and the recommended way to take responsibility for both begins with self-awareness. When we are self-aware, we see, understand, and accept ourselves as we are, warts and all. Then we can take responsibility for how our thoughts, emotions, beliefs and self-image are expressed in our actions. Here’s how it works. Taking responsibility will ebb and flow, shift and change depending on your situation and state of mind. You’ll take one step forward; two steps back and then inch forward again. It’s a process. It requires attention and effort. It will take time but as they say – the juice will be worth the squeeze. What often stands in the way of your ability to take responsibility for how your mental landscape impacts your reactions and responses to life is projection. Simply put, projection is a mental process where you assign to others what is in your own mind. When you experience a strong emotional reaction or response to another person; either attraction or repulsion, projection is likely at play. Positive and helpful projections mean you are consciously aware of and accept within yourself a quality like compassion or empathy and recognize it in someone else’s speech and actions. In this way both parties are more likely to feel seen, heard and understood. When your experience with projection is positive and helpful you are most likely responding to something that deeply aligns with your thinking, feeling and believing. Unhelpful projections can result if you are unaware of conflicting, self-critical and self-sabotaging thoughts, feelings, and actions. For example, if you are in an overly self-critical state, any feedback from others might be seen as them being critical of you. Without reflection, you may jump to the conclusion that the person is ‘out to get me,’ and ‘it’s not me, it’s you.’ It may also be the case that someone who criticizes or dismisses you might be projecting their own conflicted issues with self-criticism and self-sabotage. When you are able to gain clarity on this, you can break the cycle keeping you trapped on the hamster wheel of unhelpful projection. Here is a mindfulness technique to help you tackle this work responsibly. The 3-Step Mindful Check In Step 1. Check in with your body - Do a quick scan of your body from your toes to your head looking for sensations and the play of opposites such as comfort/discomfort, tightness/openness, warmth/coolness, etc. Do this for 1 – 3 minutes. Step 2. Check in with your breath – Do a quick scan of your breath and all of its four parts - - - your inhalation - - - the slight pause before exhalation begins - - - The exhalation and the slight pause before the next inhalation begins. Do this for 1 – 3 minutes. Now comes the tough part. Step 3. Check in with your mind because once you understand what you are thinking, while you are thinking, you make better choices about how to address the thoughts, images and feelings you witness.
Do this for 1 – 3 minutes or longer if you feel comfortable. When you employ mindfulness to uncover, acknowledge and understand your thoughts, beliefs and habits you will be able to embody responsibility for your internal landscape as well as the external actions that follow. |
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December 2022
AuthorBETH GIBBS started her yoga practice in 1968, four months after her son was born and she’s been practicing ever since. She currently teaches all levels therapeutic yoga classes for adults, and specialty classes for seniors in the Hartford, Connecticut area. Beth is a certified yoga therapist through the International Association of Yoga Therapists and is guest faculty at the Kripalu School of Integrative Yoga Therapy. She writes for the blogs, Yoga for Healthy Aging, and Accessible Yoga. Her master’s degree from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA is in Yoga Therapy and Mind/Body Health. Categories |
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