ENLIGHTEN UP! a blogSelf-awareness stories: lighting our way to clarity, contentment and resilience in a complicated world.
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ENLIGHTEN UP! a blogSelf-awareness stories: lighting our way to clarity, contentment and resilience in a complicated world.
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This is an advance peek into the first chapter of my upcoming book: Bitchcraft, How to Own Your Power in a Complicated World. Enjoy! Bitchcraft is the combination of two words: bitch and craft. In this reclaimed context, the word bitch, as defined by feminists and drag queens, refers to someone who is accomplished, assertive, sassy and strong. Craft is defined as an art, trade or occupation requiring a special skill. Combining the two words results in Bitchcraft, a skill needed to navigate a complicated world that presents us with challenges, problems and often doesn’t, can’t or won’t see past the externals to the inner light inside each one of us. Bitchcraft is my catchword for owning your power in a complicated world. Some of the challenges, problems and issues you’ll face in life will be within your power to manage and some will not, but owning your power and practicing Bitchcraft can help you clearly recognize, negotiate, change, manage or accept any situation that comes your way. Here's one view of what that means. It’s from an ancient Eastern wisdom model describing energy centers in the body, called Chakras. There are said to be seven major centers in the body, located along the spine. Each is connected to a gland in the human endocrine system. The third energy center representing personal power is said to be located at the solar plexus, in the upper belly at the diaphragm and is associated with the pancreas. The element is fire and the color is yellow, like the sun. The focus of this center is on authenticity, identity, personality, and ego, as well as personal freedom, choice, and self-actualization, which helps us navigate relationships with our friends, families, social and professional groups. As you can imagine, this process has its pleasures and pain but when you no longer give your power to others, you gain power over yourself. To do this you need to recognize when, where and how much energy you plug into your core beliefs about who you are and how those beliefs influence your activities and behaviors. Alice Walker, the celebrated writer, poet and activist, sums up the importance of owning your personal power in these words, The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. My version of Bitchcraft has three stages to help you own your power. They are: Stage 1. Show up and be heard. This is not always easy. Sometimes you’ll find yourself reacting to being objectified, ignored, devalued, lied to, betrayed or disrespected by quietly fuming, stuffing and repressing your feelings. You’ll have moments when all you want to do is crawl into your Man Cave or She Shed. When you’re just starting out on your Bitchcraft journey, it can be hard to find your voice and express yourself assertively and confidently, especially if you have voluntarily silenced yourself in the pursuit of acceptance. To respond productively at this stage, it's crucial to find your voice and use it responsibly. Of course, there are always times when it will be wiser to be quiet but even then your actions need to come from a clear conscious choice based on your assessment of the situation. Stage 2. Manage strong emotions. This requires self-discipline. Without it, you may find yourself reacting with unconscious raw, snarky, shoot-from-the-hip retorts. As you develop self-awareness and begin to unstuff, anger may surface and instead of managing it, you may unconsciously release it and create more stress for yourself. Do your best and persevere. Of course, there will be times when a forceful strong response is called for. When the need arises, make a conscious decision to let what you say or do be a considered purposeful response and not a raw unfiltered reaction. Stage 3. BE SASSY. At this stage you will be SASSY: Strong, Assertive, Skillful, Serene, and Young-at-heart more often in your daily life. Most, if not all, of your unhelpful reactions will transform into conscious responses that are healthier, balanced and more productive. This requires attention and effort. It will take time but the result will be more clarity, contentment and resilience. The key is to keep an even emotional keel and respond to any and all provocations and difficult situations at Bitchcraft stage three even if you feel like crawling back into your Man Cave or She Shed (stage one reaction) or tearing your tormentor ‘a new one’ (stage two reaction). Most of us move between these three stages with varying degrees of success but the key to responding to life at Bitchcraft stage three more often is deep SASSY self-awareness which leads to you owning your power. Practicing Bitchcraft enables you to hit pause in the space between what is happening and how you respond. This may mean directly addressing the issue or consciously choosing to do nothing in the moment. Both are appropriate. The point is that you choose with full awareness. However, all too often, the pause is not seen or sensed and what happens is a blind reaction instead of a considered response. Once you accept that you may influence outcomes, but you do not control them, you’ll find it easier to practice the three stages of Bitchcraft, go with the flow, and respond to any situation with a measure of serenity. Your responses will be conscious as you choose to make changes, remain unchanged with full awareness of the consequences or find acceptance and peace of mind if change is not possible. On any life journey we take, no matter how diligently we prepare ourselves, we will encounter blocks, detours and challenges, both internal and external. However, using Bitchcraft skills increases your ability to manage those blocks, detours and challenges. Bitchcraft skills are based in and sourced from the five layers of self-awareness (link). Developing SASSY self-awareness is within the capability of all of us and when you shine the light of self-awareness on anything you face, you’ll gain a truer understanding of what you are facing, why you might be facing it and you’ll learn how to use your Bitchcraft skills more often. Good luck on your Bitchcraft journey!
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The first post I did on this topic was Self-Care 101. It focused on identifying, understanding and managing your stress levels in order to jump-start a self-care routine. It concluded with a list of suggested self-care practices such as joining supportive social groups, developing a healthy lifestyle and finding ways to volunteer and 'give back'. All of these are good techniques and positive ways to manage stress, but, in my opinion, true self-care runs deeper and requires more introspection. That's the topic of this post. An important aspect of my self-care is humor. So, when a comedian hosts a talk show. I watch. On a recent episode of Sherri Shepard's show, she interviewed Susan Lucci, best known for portraying Erica Kane on the ABC daytime drama All My Children. When discussing the importance of self-care, Erica told Sherri that one of the first things to do is to, “Put yourself on your to-do list.” That’s step one. Once you’ve done that, you move on to define what true self-care means to you, and how you can embody it in your life. Initially you, like me and many others, may turn to one or more of the wellness industry’s products such as spa weekends, meditation apps, yoga classes, regular massages, or a supplement promising more energy. Sometimes we are drawn to, engage in and expect these products to do one of three things:
There is nothing wrong with any of these self-care and self-improvement ideas. Many of them can be helpful, as long as you approach your choice by understanding how it will fit into your overall well-being AND the deeper aspects of what you truly need. Any technique or program you choose can work for you, IF you consider the following factors:
Before you make a final decision on any technique or program, make sure to follow Iyanla VanZant’s advice to “Pause Boo.” This means paying attention to the space between the idea or desire and the action that results. During the pause, take the time to scan your five layers to see if any of them talk back. Listen and Pause before responding! For example:
After working through my five layers and dealing with their questions, I know that after laughter, the next go-to for my personal self-care is movement. I have an absolute need to move my body and I’m thankful every day that I still can! That love of physical movement led to years of hiking and backpacking which has given way to yoga, and walking. All my layers are in agreement. One other factor to consider is that your choices for true self care will likely change depending on the life stage you are in. The yoga tradition lists four:
Each one of these stages will present situations needing different types of self-care. And like your fingerprint, your choices for self-care need to be right for you, your stage of life and your situation. I have reached my golden years and as one of my students observed, It’s weighty being eighty, so me and my layers needed to re-make my self-care package. One key concept I am learning to follow is to conserve energy by pacing myself. It has not been easy for the get it all done, multi-tasking attitude and energy of my younger self. I’ve had to do much internal introspection to match my outer reality to my internal needs. That means fewer social obligations, taking rest breaks between activities and selecting only those extra projects that fill me with contentment. I’m still working on this, but I’m making progress and my five layers thank me in many ways; better sleep, and digestion to name two. After all, as someone in my writers group said, “I’m not build for speed, I’m built to last.” True self-care is taking back and owning your power to move through your life in our complicated world with a measure of clarity, contentment and resilience. Embrace your process and focus on the journey not the destination. |
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AuthorBETH GIBBS started her yoga practice in 1968, four months after her son was born and she’s been practicing ever since. She currently teaches all levels therapeutic yoga classes for adults, and specialty classes for seniors in the Hartford, Connecticut area. Beth is a certified yoga therapist through the International Association of Yoga Therapists and is guest faculty at the Kripalu School of Integrative Yoga Therapy. She writes for the blogs, Yoga for Healthy Aging, and Accessible Yoga. Her master’s degree from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA is in Yoga Therapy and Mind/Body Health. Categories |
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Enlighten Up! a Blog
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