ENLIGHTEN UP! a blogSelf-awareness stories: lighting our way to clarity, contentment and resilience in a complicated world.
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 “Authenticity means erasing the gap between what you firmly believe inside and what you reveal to the outside world.” -- Adam Grant, Ph.D.
Being your authentic self requires finding the sweet spot, or balance, between who you are internally and how you interact with others. This includes the fun and positive sides of yourself that you are happy to share and the darker sides of yourself that you’ve worked hard to acknowledge and manage in all your internal and external interactions. If you have come to that comfortable place with your inner self and its outer expression, you’ve probably found answers to questions like:
If you have started asking and answering these questions, you’ve accomplished a lot. Pat yourself on the back! If not, you have some work to do, if you choose to do it (no pressure!). If you want or need to begin the search for that sweet spot of authenticity, you can ask and answer those big questions. The process is not a quick fix. It requires some focused discipline. Honestly, it took me until I was fiftyish to stop ‘shoulding’ on myself, get real and start living authentically from the inside out. No surprise, not everyone was happy with that. What being authentic meant for me was dropping the ‘credit to the race, good girl, put everyone else first’ syndrome. Some folks were shocked, disappointed or openly hostile when I sprouted an Afro,’ and gave up the business suits and heels in favor of yoga pants and sandals. Of course, if I had started asking myself those questions earlier, I may have realized the answers sooner and avoided some of the social backlash (hint! hint!). So, to begin or continue your quest, consider these suggestions as breadcrumbs to follow.
Sometimes you may find that the pull comes from wanting your outside to match your inside, and sometimes it’s the inside that wants to match the outside. Be very clear about which is the stronger pull for you. Disconnects between your inner self and its outer expression can get complicated. If you doubt that, just ask anyone who identifies as transgender, or someone who is outwardly a ten on the ‘wow she/he is hot scale’ but who has serious self-esteem issues. Finding your sweet spot of authenticity has little to do with standards of beauty and acceptance and more to do with finding a way to be 100% authentic and comfortable in your own skin. Remember, it’s important to understand that the answers you find may be very different from the answers your friends, family and social groups may wish for you. No one key fits all locks. Answers and solutions can come from different sources: yourself, a friend, a program, workshop, a teacher, a self-help book and so on. In some instances, it may be therapy. If you need help, seek it! Practice: Your Right and Responsibility to Live an Authentic Life Your Right: I have the right to acknowledge and embrace my authentic self. Matching your external behavior to your internal truth is easier said than done, and not always possible, but here are three actions that indicate authenticity: 1. You are able to say what you mean and mean what you say. 2. You accept yourself, as you are, warts and all – nobody’s perfect. 3. You are living much of your life with moment to moment self-awareness because “The past is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.” When you are feeling deeply authentic, you may experience a sense of calm, ease, free flowing energy, or a sense of expansion. When this happens there is nothing to do but relax and enjoy your authentic self! Your Responsibility: I have a responsibility to be aware of and to manage my actions in situations where I can’t be 100% authentic. There are always circumstances where being 100% authentic can be difficult, not advisable or even possible. Here are a few examples. Example 1. You are in a meeting, making a presentation that you have worked on for months and are being interrupted with objections before you can finish sharing your ideas. Example 2. You are an hourly worker being hassled by your boss. Example 3. You’re trying to remain calm at Thanksgiving dinner with your family who disapprove of your lifestyle and your politics. If you are unable to respond authentically in these situations, you may feel shut down and blocked. Before you respond or react, tune into your body and watch for sensations. Everyone is different, but some common sensations in difficult situations might be a headache, a clenched jaw, shallow breathing, digestive upsets or back pain. Tuning into body sensations helps you connect to the state of your body-mind so you can consciously choose an appropriate response that might ease or shift the situation. If that doesn’t work, you can take some long deep breaths to relieve your stress and patiently wait it out until you can leave. Whenever and however you choose find and reveal your authentic self, remember this: “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” — Brene Brown
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 Photo: www.tomfiorini.com “So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.” - Gordon Allport, psychologist and educator
The photo may remind you of Lucy’s psychiatry booth from the Peanuts comic strip by Charles Shultz. Lucy's booth is a long-running gag. It reminds us that as long as we are vertical, ventilating and still on the right side of the ground, we are probably dealing with several of life’s tangles. Some of us will seek counseling or psychiatric help, I certainly did when I needed it. Many of us can get through it all with laughter. Along with self-awareness skills, laughter is my go-to therapeutic self-help technique at present. And fortunately, laughter is free! The Mayo clinic lists several benefits. Laughter can:
A sense of humor helps. Do you have one? I hope so! A sense of humor is defined as the ability to perceive, appreciate or express what is funny, amusing or ludicrous. Having a sense of humor means being able to laugh at, or at least see the humor in life's absurdities. And with global warming and political storming, we have all the absurdities we can handle at the moment. Lindsay Holmes, the Deputy Healthy Living Editor at The Huffington Post, lists six signs that you have a sense of humor: 1. You make laughing a priority 2. You practice self-acceptance 3. You’re creative 4. You’re conscientious 5. You have good physical well-being 6. Aging is just a fact of life to you I have two responses to Lindsay’s list. First, number five: You have good physical well-being. Fortunately, having a sense of humor does not necessarily depend on physical well-being. It’s great if you have it, but most of us are dealing with some physical discomfort or dis-ease. If you are experiencing a difficulty, illness or imbalance that’s interfering with your physical or mental well-being, a sense of humor and the ability to laugh can help. According to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, laughter, or humor therapy, helps promote overall health and wellness. Laughter therapy modalities use the physiological process of laughter to help relieve physical or emotional stress, distress or discomfort. Surgeons used humor to distract patients from pain as early as the 13th century. In the 20th century, scientists studied the effect of humor on physical wellness. Many credit this modern use of laughter to Norman Cousins. Remember him? He was a political journalist, author, professor, and world peace advocate who suffered from ankylosing spondylitis, a painful connective tissue disease. In addition to medical treatments he added laughing, long, loud and often, and found that ten minutes of hearty laughter would reduce his pain and help him sleep. Next is number six: Aging is just a fact of life to you. This relates directly to number two: You practice self-acceptance. This is important. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Aging is not for sissies?” Here’s another one I from a woman in my book group, “Aging is a bitch!” And I saw this next one on a mug in a gift shop, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” Aging, however we view it, is inevitable, but if we accept that inevitability, we can find many ways to laugh at the process. The best part of incorporating liberal doses of humor in your life is that laughing doesn’t cost a dime and it’s calorie free! As matter of fact, research published in the International Journal of Obesity found that 15 minutes of laughter a day will burn between ten and 40 calories, depending on a person's weight and the intensity of the laughter. That is enough to lose between one to four pounds a year! (https://www.sharecare.com/health/calories/how-many-calories-burn-laugh). If laughter doesn’t come easily to you, try a laughing club. Laughing clubs meet regularly to take part in communal laughing for therapeutic effect. The idea got started in India in the mid-1990s. It promotes the ideal of a non-political, non-religious, non-racial, non-threatening, and non-competitive approach to laughter. Its core premise is that your body knows how to laugh, regardless of what your mind has to say. Because it follows a body-mind approach to laughter, participants do not need to have a sense of humor, know jokes, or even be happy. The invitation is to “laugh for no reason.” To find one near you, Google: laughter club near me. Personally, I make it a point to laugh every day. It always makes me feel better no matter what absurdity or problem might be present or looming – and there is always something! I DVR The Daily Show (political satire), Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (political satire), and Saturday Night Live (cultural & political satire) - see a pattern here? I get my laughs by watching one or more of the shows after my morning meditation practice. By the time I have finished my breakfast, I’ve had my share of belly laughs, increased my endorphin flow and have set a positive outlook for the day. Well, most of the time – it’s all a process and some days are better than others but at least I put in the effort. I’ve even created and performed stand-up comedy in a couple of local venues, it’s terrifying and gratifying at the same time, and when the audience laughs, it feels as good as sex and better than chocolate! I also try to infuse my writing with a bit of humor when I can. You can find a sample of my humorous take on perfectionism here: (www.bethgibbs.com/nobodylovesperfect.html) A classic Vulcan salutation from Star Trek’s Mr. Spock is, “Live long and prosper.” To end this article, I say, “Live long and laugh!” |
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March 2020
AuthorBETH GIBBS started her yoga practice in 1968, four months after her son was born and she’s been practicing ever since. She currently teaches all levels therapeutic yoga classes for adults, and specialty classes for seniors in the Hartford, Connecticut area. Beth is a certified yoga therapist through the International Association of Yoga Therapists and is guest faculty at the Kripalu School of Integrative Yoga Therapy. She writes for the blogs, Yoga for Healthy Aging, and Accessible Yoga. Her master’s degree from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA is in Yoga Therapy and Mind/Body Health. Categories |
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