Balancing Act: Part 2

Destined For The Stars by Ricky Bernstein

As the following quote points out, finding balance in our lives can be complicated: 
"Balance in life like in the body is not a given, we need to work for it.” 
          —  Unknown
 
The dictionary definition of balance is: “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.”
 
Imbalance in our lives comes from a variety of power sucking sources. Here is a partial list:
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• Inactivity
• Trauma (acute, chronic or complex)
• Health issues
• Money
• Work
• Relationship worries
• Addictions
• Water and air quality
• Being seen and treated as other (race, poverty, politics, class, gender identity etc.)
• Being ignored, disrespected, or lied to

I’ll bet you can add a few more of your own power sucking sources to this list!
 
The bad news is that we often don’t have control over the situations that throw us off balance. The good news is that we can learn to manage our responses to them.
 
The late Wayne Dyer, an American self-help author and motivational speaker, said:
 
"Getting in balance is not so much about adopting new strategies to change your behaviors, as it is about realigning yourself in all of your thoughts so as to create a balance between what you desire and how you conduct your life on a daily basis."
 
Easier said than done! How you manage it, when you manage it and how you respond to the reactions of others when you do make changes can be challenging. The process and the outcomes will be different for everyone. There are no quick fixes. It’s a marathon not a sprint and what’s needed to get started are healthy doses of resilience, self-awareness, and self-care.
 
What to do? My suggestion is that we first take stock of what’s going on in our lives through all of our five layers (see my article: The Five Layers of Self Awareness).
 
Here are some questions to ask yourself. They’ll help you get a handle on what’s in balance, what’s out of balance and what changes you may need to make as a result of knowing your answers.
 
Layer One: Physical/Environment

• Can you sense any imbalances in your body such as constipation, headaches, digestive difficulties, back pain, a chronic health condition etc?
• How about your home? Is it neat, clean and organized or cluttered, messy and overstuffed?
• Can you identify any power sucking sources from the above list or from your own experience that might be a factor in any imbalances you identify in this layer?
• Write down what you find.

My experience: When I’m feeling imbalanced and stressed, my upper lip curls, and my hips and low back stiffen. I can experience digestive issues, neck and upper back pain. I usually respond by balancing my checkbook and organizing closets and cabinets because it gives me the illusion of control (LOL!).
 
Layer Two: Breath/Energy

• Do you breath mostly in your upper chest or by deeply filling your whole lungs?
• Is your energy stable throughout the day or do you have ups and downs? When are the ups? When are the downs?
• Can you identify any power sucking sources from the above list or from your own experience that might be a factor in any imbalances you identify in your breath or energy levels?
• Write down what you find.

My experience: I can feel stress build if I go too many days without exercising. My energy levels drop, and it becomes harder to get started in the morning. Once I ‘catch’ that I’m stuck in an inactivity cycle (and that may take a few days), I start back to regular exercise by taking a 10 minute walk outside in nature or by watching comedy shows — laughing releases stress and increases my energy.
 
Layer Three: Mind; Thoughts and Emotions

• Is your mental state steady and balanced or do you get caught in troubling thoughts and intense unproductive emotions? Do you recognize any persistent thought patterns or emotions?
• Are there one or more areas in your life where you are stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated?
• Can you identify any power sucking sources from the above list or from your own experience that might be a factor in any imbalances you identify in your mental stress or distress?
• Write down what you become aware of. 

My experience: Most of my mental stress comes from relationship issues whether from friends, family or professional colleagues. I can feel my brain implode with anxiety and fear or explode with anger or shock depending on the situation. This usually stems from situations where I feel blocked, ignored, lied to, or disrespected. For me, both movement and meditation help. Also, I’ll balance my checkbook and organize closets and cabinets. The illusion of control always helps. (LOL! again).
 
Layer Four: Intuitive Wisdom

• How well can you assess with honesty and clarity the status of your first three layers?
• Can you identify any power sucking sources from the above list or from your own experience that might be a factor in any imbalances you identify in your mental stress or distress?
• How do you react or respond to any stressors you identify?
• Write down what you become aware of – be totally honest.

My experience: I’ve spent years working on this aspect of self-awareness and at this point I’m able (most of the time) to catch an unhelpful reaction ‘in the moment,’ process it an find an appropriate way to respond without drama and confrontation. That usually comes down to one of three choices:
 

• Change the situation
• Shift unhelpful emotional reactions into a calm clear response.
• Leave

I have done all three!
 
Layer Five: Bliss

• Are you able to find ways to release or accept any imbalances you find?
• Do you have a way or ways to find clarity and contentment even in the middle of work/life imbalance?
• Can you practice acceptance?  
• What is your level of joy in life?  
• Do you spend time being silent or in nature?  
• Do you practice self-care?
• How resilient or stress hardy are you?
• Write down what you become aware of.

Once you know where your imbalances are, the next step is finding ways to relax and take care of yourself, while you consider the best way to address those imbalances (see my post: Self-Care 101).
 
My experience: I have two proven ways to relax. I move and I write. Moving relaxes, releases and soothes physical imbalances. Writing helps me gain clarity about what I’m going through and builds the internal resilience needed to respond to imbalanced situations with a clear head.
 
When things get tough, remember this:
 
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”  
— Lena Horne

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