Yoga Through the Ages

Note: Once upon a time, my friend Deb and I did standup comedy routines at the close of a yoga training. Here is hers! Remember, laughter IS medicine and we all need daily doses. Guest post by Deb Jensen. 

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In your 20’s: You just started taking yoga because you heard it’s a great way to keep your butt firm … so you go to LULU Lemon and spend $200 on a hot new outfit that shows off all your curves… cuz, hey… that yoga instructor is pretty hot, with those tribal tattoos, long hair and sexy beard…and maybe, he’ll adjust you in Downward facing dog again.

In your 30’s: Off to yoga, you still fit into that cute outfit but, hey, you’ve had two kids, so you tie a sweater around your midsection in case that attractive yoga instructor is teaching… after all, you may be a mom but you’re not dead...it’s Ok to look…hmm, looks like he got a new tattoo …you proceed to fall asleep in Savasana because, hey, two kids are exhausting.

In your 40’s: Your daughter has stolen that yoga outfit … aah, it’s too tight anyway...so you
throw on a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt...cuz, hey…comfort is seriously underrated. You hope the hunky instructor doesn’t adjust you in Downward dog because you had a bean burrito for dinner last night… you proceed to snore during Savasana until the instructor shakes you awake.
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In your 50’s: You throw on a pair of shorts and baggy tank top, pull your hair into a ponytail because that damn instructor keeps the yoga room so hot. What does he have the thermostat set on…100 degrees? Your daughter is meeting you there but sets up on the opposite side of the room cuz she doesn’t want anyone to know the sweaty lady with the hot flashes is related to her. You wish you could fall asleep in Savasana since your insomnia is keeping you up all night.

In your 60’s: Back to sweat pants! Guess they got the temperature control fixed… but now you add a camisole and sports bra under the t-shirt because things just aren’t sitting as high as they used to, and last time you did Downward facing dog your saggy parts almost suffocated you… Some bald guy with wrinkled tattoos and a gray goatee is teaching… you wonder whatever happened to that good looking guy that used to teach?

In your 70’s: You take a little longer to don your yoga gear, in addition to your teal velour jogging suit, you add a sweater for savasana… You get there early so you can make sure you get that spot in the back of the room next to the wall... There’s a nice looking man smiling at you, oh my, he must be in his 50’s! You think, “Dang cougar! I guess I look pretty good for my age!” Until you realize he is actually making eyes at your daughter.

In your 80’s: Your granddaughter is on her way to pick you up for yoga class. You asked your neighbor if he would like to go but he said he can’t do yogurt cuz he’s lactose intolerant. Once you get there your granddaughter goes into the Astanga class. Yours is titled “Yoga for Seniors”… Good thing you put on your fleece sweat pants, wool socks, t-shirt, sweatshirt and scarf ...that damn instructor keeps the room so cold. What? Is he storing his salad in there?

In your 90’s: You get up an hour early so you have time to put on your hearing aids, long underwear, sweat pants, long sleeve t-shirt, sweatshirt, sweater, wool socks, scarf, gloves, hat and boots. You make sure you use the extra strength polident on your dentures, since last time you did that kielbasa breath your dentures almost hit the instructor in the eye. You grab your cane and wait for the senior shuttle to chair yoga. Good thing it’s only September, otherwise you’d have to bundle up!

At 100: You arrive an hour and a half early for class and You’re thinking “It’s a good thing I
brought my blanket to, wait, where am I? Oh, yeah, chair yoga…wish these damn seats were padded better… I don’t have much cushioning of my own anymore …where’s the instructor, I can’t see him…wish they’d turn up the lights in here! Don’t they know we all wear glasses? Hey! Did he just tell us to shift our farts???? Ohhh - lift our hearts…aww, hell, I’m an old woman for cryin out loud! I’m 100 years old! Because… I do yoga!

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Debra Jensen has been working in Physical Therapy for 28 years and has taught yoga for 22 years specializing in working with seniors and folks with Parkinson’s disease.

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