Saving Grace: Resilience Wins

Life does not come with a Global Positioning System (GPS) to help guide our way through the ups and downs of life. In spite of our best efforts we will encounter storms ranging from accidents, opposition, and prejudice, to trauma loss and stress. However, we do not have to be defined by these tough spots. Yes, they can be painful and yes, they will sometimes be difficult to navigate and yes, we may struggle with the physical, mental and emotional outcomes but those outcomes do not have to define us. Each of us will need to adjust our sails and find the strength to navigate our way through. One way to adjust your sails and find strength is to build resilience. Psychologists define resilience as, the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress.

As a writer, I’m always interested in down to earth examples of how resilience plays out in the lives of folks I read about and those I know personally. Currently, I’m writing a flash fiction collection of short, short stories. All are under 1,500 words. It’s titled, Laughin,’ Cryin,’ Lovin,’ and Lyin.’ The story I’m sharing in this post is loosely based on a real person who was a high school classmate. Of course, I changed her name to protect her identity, but it’s a fact that she climbed out of her window with $65.00 in her pocket and bought a bus ticket to New York City.  The other true facts are that she is an example of someone who is truly resilient, and after all this time we recently connected on Facebook. Enjoy!

Saving Grace
Grace Kowalski climbed out of her bedroom window at midnight with $65.00 in her pocket. She walked two miles to the bus station and bought a ticket to New York City. She was sixteen years old.

That was 61 years ago.
 
We were ‘walk home after school’ friends back then. I’d heard all about how she went to live with her aunt and uncle after her parents died in an automobile accident. She told me how her aunt treated her like a house maid and how her uncle would sneak into her bedroom at night and do things to her that I thought only married people did. I didn’t understand how or why adults could treat a kid like that. 

What I did understand was that Grace was kind of a mess. She walked bent forward with her arms crossed over her chest, hugging her school books like they were armor that could protect her from the horrors she talked about. Her clothes screamed they’d been handed down way too many times. And there were huge bald spots on her head. She’d show me the new ones when they popped up in the middle of her wild stringy brown hair. I felt sorry for Grace and would have said so, but she had an inner something that would have told me to stuff it if I opened my mouth to offer sympathy. So, she talked and I listened. One day she didn’t come to school. She wasn’t there the next day or any day after that. It would be 61 years before I found out what happened back then and how she manifested her inner something.

It started with notices from the classmates.com app trying to sell me a reprint of my high school year book. The messages came with a list of classmates who had supposedly messaged me and another list with the do you remember heading. Mostly I skimmed them to see if I recognized anybody. A few weeks ago, I spotted a name in the do you remember list that stopped me cold. It was Grace Kowalski. Gracie? A load of questions barreled through my mind. Where was she? What happened to her? Was she happy? 

Well, I wasn’t going to pay classmates.com to find out so I tried Facebook instead. Bingo! There she was. I immediately sent her a friend request, which she immediately accepted. Then she messaged me. The first line in her message was, “I climbed out my bedroom window at midnight with $65 in my pocket and bought a bus ticket to New York City.” 

Wow! After a few back and forth messages, she invited me to visit her in New Jersey. Well, I couldn’t refuse so I hopped the train and took the trip. I wanted to hear her story.

She told it to me in her back yard patio over Mateus Rosé wine and Pastel de Nata, a vanilla custard tart that melted in my mouth with every delicious bite.

“So,” Gracie,” I said, “why did you go to New York?” 

“It was part of my plan.”

Of course it was. That was her inner something coming out. Of that I was sure. She may have looked a mess on the outside back then but inside, Gracie was, and still is, resilient, determined and fierce. And she looked good too. She lounged in her chair in designer slacks and a tailored shirt. Her hair, now flecked with gray, flowed in waves to her shoulders and there were no bald spots, at least none that I could see.

Her destination in New York was the local YWCA, where she rented a room and got busy finding a job as a waitress in a neighborhood coffee shop. Her next door neighbor at the ‘Y’ was a Portuguese exchange student, named Catia. Over the next few months, they became fast friends and when it was time for Catia to return home, she invited Grace to go with her.

“I didn’t have to think twice about it,” said Grace. “After all, what did I have to lose? And it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.” Grace took a healthy bite from her Pastel de Nata and told me the rest of the story.

She lived with Catia’s family and learned Portuguese. She actually walked the whole 500 miles of the Camino de Santiago! Then she found work at a Fado bar in Lisbon where she fell in love with the music and a short time later with the bartender. She married Tiago and gave birth to their daughter, Estela, a year later. 

When Estela turned ten, adventure knocked on Grace’s door once more. 

“I wanted my daughter to see and experience America,” she told me. “Tiago wasn’t keen on the idea but agreed to come along and see how things would work out.”

They didn’t, at least for Grace and Tiago. He missed home and went back to Portugal, but Grace and Estela have been going back to Portugal every year for an extended visit. 

After Estela left for college, Grace took off on a massive travel spree. “I’ve been to 65 countries and all seven continents,” she said. “What a fabulous whirlwind that was, and I’m still experiencing the joys of life in this awesome world.”

“Does that include Tiago,” I asked.
 
“Sure does. We’ve been working on our long distance marriage for years.” She grinned and all her middle-aged wrinkles disappeared as her face took on a peaceful glow. “He’s coming to the US to retire.”

“G-u-u-rl.” 

“Indeed,” said Grace, “It’s been a good life, but as you know, I had to save it before I could live it.”

We clinked our wine glasses and laughed.

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