H is for Humanity: How to view others

This is the fifth post in my blog series based on Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World. If you missed the previous posts, you can read them here.

H is for Humanity. The Virtues Project defines humanity as “an attitude of caring and mercy toward all people.” All people are the keywords here. They include recognizing and extending caring and mercy to those who are very different from us and those we disagree with or dislike for any number of reasons. 

What happens when we as individuals, groups or a country dehumanize others? Dehumanization is a process that strips a person or a group of their humanity, either by discrediting their inherent value as human beings or denying them basic human rights. The process involves perceiving or treating others as less than human, often by denying their individuality, seeing them as ‘threats’ to our perception of what the world should look like, or putting people in boxes and creating an ‘us’ vs. them’ mentality. This often results in calling people animals or vermin, saying someone is crazy or insane, or calling someone alien or illegal. These are all forms of dehumanization. And denying the humanity of others is not wise or healthy for our own well-being.

Why? Think of it this way. If you strip humanity from those you dislike, disagree with or dismiss as ‘other,’ you lose your own humanity in the process. The Virtues Project agrees. “We lose our humanity whenever we generalize about a group of people and separate ourselves from them because of external characteristics such as race or sex.”

From the spiritual AND scientific perspectives everything and everyone is connected at the deepest level by energy (I believe this); and if this is ultimately proven to be true (I believe it will be), then there is no they, or other. There is only us. Does this mean we are prohibited from recognizing differences, disliking or disagreeing with others. Oh, hell to the no!

We all have an absolute right to show up and be heard; to express our beliefs and values. When we are confronted by those who other us, dislike and disagree with us or when we find ourselves othering, disliking and disagreeing with others, we’ll need to take responsibility for making the effort to understand and respect their humanity in spite of our differences, disagreements and dislikes. Acknowledging the humanity of others even as their words and actions may deny ours is practicing your Bitchcraft skills at the highest level. 

To accomplish this, it’s important to understand the difference between acceptance and approval. According to PeaceCounseling.org, acceptance is the pure state of “I receive you as you are.” It’s the ability to see others, and have others see you as a human being, to value, and understand that you and everyone else on the planet has a right to their own expression of who they are and what they believe. We all need to accept the humanity of others, especially in these troubled times. However, it’s also important to understand that accepting and recognizing the humanity of others does not mean approving of them or their actions.  

By definition, approval means agreeing, condoning, sanctioning, or endorsing someone or something. We have a responsibility to accept the humanity of others. BUT, and this is a big BUT; we do not have to approve of beliefs, actions or values that we disagree with.
Understanding and working with this concept is adult thinking and behavior. But as Kelly Clarkson says in a Wayfair commercial, “Uh huh, adulting ain’t easy.”

She’s right. It’s not easy. If you find yourself denying the humanity of those you disapprove of or disagree with, here are a few ‘adulting’ suggestions for recognizing the humanity of others whether it’s you having a problem with them or them having a problem with you. Try these creative ways to respond to uncomfortable situations that make you want to scream.
​

1. Own your power. If others are in a head space that cannot offer you acceptance for your basic humanity, your first act of ‘adulting’ is to not return the ill-will coming your way. Do not give the offender any emotional energy. Keep your power. Failure to do this can result in a serious draining of your energy. Instead, respond authentically and appropriately as best you can and move on. 
2. Ignore the negative vibes. I got this suggestion from a good friend. She said, “Sometimes the only winning move is not to play.” That’s an excellent ‘own your power’ move if and when it’s a conscious choice. 
3. Be kind. Understand that the person denying your humanity may be doing so from ignorance or an unconscious bias. Be as kind as possible in your response. Kindness may mean taking a moment to “walk a mile in their shoes,” to try and understand why they think and act the way they do, even as you disapprove of their words, values and behavior.

And remember to check yourself. When and how do you deny the humanity of others? Let this quote from Desmond Tutu be a guide, "My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together." 

---