B is for Backbone: Tips for Finding Yours

​“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.”
-Reba McEntire

In Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World, I introduced the SASSY Bill of Rights & Responsibilities. Each letter of the word stands for a desired quality to help you practice your best Bitchcraft skills.

• S is for strength
• A is for assertiveness
• S is for skill
• S is for serenity  
• Y is for youthfulness in heart and mind ​

In my next series of posts I’ll do the same for the title of the book - - Bitchcraft. We’ll start off with the letter B for Backbone.

According to the National Cancer Institute, a back bone is defined as “The bones, muscles, tendons, and other tissues that reach from the base of the skull to the tailbone. The backbone encloses the spinal cord and the fluid surrounding the spinal cord; also called spinal column, spine, and vertebral column.”

Metaphorically, the word Backbone means that you possess courage, strength of character, and the ability to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. The word implies you are not easily swayed by others or intimidated by challenges. It means you have found and claimed what Joseph Campbell meant when he wrote, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” 

When you have found your Backbone, you will have the courage to express your opinions, stand by your decisions, be authentic and face opposition without wavering. You will also have a full measure of independence and needed self-reliance to assure you are not easily manipulated or controlled by others and can make your own choices.

Here’s a personal story of the moment I found my Backbone while working alongside men in media who clearly did not respect my talents. I was the public affairs director at a local television station. My job was to produce, local ‘talking head’ programs and documentaries. I was having a problem working with some of the male production staff (no surprise!). 
In an effort to straighten out the problem, I went to talk to the production director. When I walked into his office, he was chatting with the news director. I asked for help to get the support I needed to do my job. The production director basically shrugged me off, and as I turned to leave, I heard him say to the news director, “What a bitch!” A switch went off in my brain. I turned back and without missing a beat, let loose with, 

“Maybe I am a bitch, but I’m a good bitch. I’ve worked long and hard because I care about what I do and if that makes me a bitch in your minds so be it!” I watched their mouths drop open. I turned and walked out of the office. 

Was I unreasonable, belligerent, and bossy? Maybe, maybe not. Did I own my power? I think so. I was pissed, but I had my anger under control and I felt a strong response to those two men was necessary in that moment. That’s when I took the power of the ‘B’ word back and internalized it in the feminist and drag queen meaning of the word - - strong, authentic, assertive and fierce.

Have you had an experience like that in which your Backbone rose up ‘in the moment?’ If so, feel free to leave a comment and tell me about it.  

Now, here’s a simple accessible practice to help you discover, embrace and express your Backbone. It’s called The Roots Visualization. The benefits of this visualization can encourage and deepen feelings of safety, security and connection. When you are rooted and grounded, you will be able to locate and use your Backbone to: 

• Manage O.P.E. - other people’s energy and how it affects you (especially when it’s toxic)
• Feel more stable, secure, relaxed, and self-aware  
• Be centered in your body and be able to notice with clarity what is happening around you
• Be able to witness your thoughts and emotions ‘in the moment’
• Be able to calm your nervous system, reduce and manage your stress levels 
• Make better decisions from a place of self-awareness, self-esteem and self-actualization

Feeling at home and relaxed in your body can be an indication that you have tuned into your metaphorical Backbone. I learned the Roots Visualization many years ago during my 200-hour yoga teacher training. I still use it to connect to my metaphorical Backbone when needed. 

Roots Visualization, Instructions
1. If appropriate and accessible, take off your shoes, connect your bare feet to the ground and close your eyes. 

2. If you find yourself in a situation, place, or time where you cannot take off your shoes or close your eyes, direct your attention to your legs and feet to sense a physical or energetic connection to the earth, floor, or wheelchair footrests beneath you. 

3. Begin to visualize roots growing from your body, starting from the base of the spine. Feel roots reaching down through your legs through the bottoms of your feet to pierce through the earth’s crust. 

4. Visualize your roots branching and spreading, growing stronger and reaching deeper into the earth. Sense the strength, support, and the stability that your branching roots send back to fill your entire body.

5. With each inhale, begin to draw in strength, support, and stability and allow that feeling to deepen your connection to the physical world and your place in it. 

6. Draw the quality of grounding through the bones of your feet and legs to the base of your spine and all the way up your spine to the crown of your head. Feel your entire body safe, secure, stable and connected to the physical world allowing you to stand your ground and speak your truth. 

You can shorten or lengthen the visualization as needed. When you attune yourself to your need in the moment you can use your metaphorical Backbone to take whatever appropriate action may be needed in the moment to, ‘be who you are.’ 

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