It’s Still in the Box: Unexamined personal issues

Before the start of a yoga class in a senior center a few years ago, the students and I were talking ‘tech.’ The conversation was about the issue many of us struggled with. . . learning how to set up and work with iPhones, computers and electronic pads. One woman said she’d bought her first computer a month ago. We all wanted to know if she’d managed to set it up and get it working. A sly grin crossed her face. She chuckled and said, “Nope. It’s still in the box.”

We all laughed, but her words stuck with me at a deeper level. I began to think about that phrase and how well it describes the mental and psychological clutter around difficult life issues and personal demons surrounding many experiences that are still in our mental/emotional boxes. 

Everyone struggles or has struggled with something, physical, mental, a difficult life situation or a combination of both. They represent all shades of experience from hilarious to heartfelt from tragic to miraculous. And many of us keep these experiences and our feelings and thoughts about them to ourselves. That may be due to reluctance, resistance, shame, pain or not feeling like we have anyone who will listen to us with empathy instead of pity or jumping in to tell us what we ‘should’ do to deal with what we’ve faced or are facing in the present. 

Before opening up to others about what’s still in your box, I recommend you slide the lid off and take a peek at what is in there. If you need a hint on how that might work, here’s a story from Regina Barreca, an educator and humorist that offers a perfect example. It’s titled, “An Emotional Rescue in the Dark Night of the Soul,” and appeared in her book, If You Lean in, Men Will Just Look Down Your Blouse. I LOVE this story.

In the story, three demons decided to ambush a woman who lived alone. They were manifestations of her worst nightmares, fear, anxiety, and despair. They broke into her house and for hours upon end, they ruined what she held dear and disfigured what she cherished. They were enormously confident because they saw that she was all alone and past her first youth. As they continued into the wee hours of the night they began to notice that although weary, the woman had calmly begun to boil water on the stove and set out three cups on the table. When they asked in astonishment what she was doing, the woman stared at them tolerantly and said, “I know all of you by now. You’ve been here before, and you’ll be here again. You might as well make yourselves at home. What kind of tea would you like?

The woman was not shattered into pieces because her demons paid a visit. She did not fight them. She simply became aware of them, observed them, and accepted them. And because she also accepted ALL of herself, she was able to manage their impact on her life. 
She’d taken her first step to get her ‘stuff’ out of the box. She Faced It. In my mind her next steps might be to: Trace it, Embrace it, and then Replace it. Here’s how those four steps can play out.

Practice: Face it, Trace it, Embrace it, and Replace it

Instructions
Face It
Bring yourself to a comfortable position, seated or lying down. Play soft soothing music if that helps your process. Let the mind drift. Then write down or state your condition, issue or situation.

Trace It
Take time to explore any sensations or symptoms that might be manifesting in your body, your breath, or your thoughts and emotions. Watch for any nuggets of awareness, memories, connection, or wisdom that float up from your subconscious mind. As you drift, know that many thoughts and emotions, even contradictory ones, can be present simultaneously. Can you welcome and witness all that is present without judgment, or do you notice resistance? Ease and soften attachment to any negative thoughts, difficult emotions or behaviors that cause you discomfort, concern or difficulty. If you experience an uncomfortable level of discomfort or resistance, imagine or visualize a thick Glass Wall between you and what is making you uncomfortable. This creates distance between you and what is floating up. Over time, the emotional charge may gradually lessen in intensity once you have shone the light of self-awareness on it.

Embrace it
Can you welcome what you find?  If not, be compassionate with yourself. Accept that these thoughts, emotions, and behaviors exist as your guides and teachers.  

Replace it
Replace unhelpful attitudes, beliefs and behaviors with helpful ones. Here are a few examples:
​
Unhelpful                              Helpful
​
I’m not good enough  or     I’m good enough, warts and all

I’ll never get this right  or    I always do my level best

I can’t trust anybody  or      I trust myself

Everybody judges me  or   I accept constructive feedback

When you feel that you’ve taken every hidden issue out of your mental/emotional box you can decide if you want to take action and make a change, let things be as they are with full knowledge of the consequences or if no change is possible, find your way to acceptance and peace of mind. 

Good luck and remember . . . it’s a process.

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