T is for Tranquility: Be calm and at ease

This is the last post in my blog series based on my book, Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World. If you missed the previous posts, you can read them here. Each post references a letter in the word Bitchcraft. This month it’s T for Tranquility.

Tranquility can be defined as a state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled. Many spiritual paths discuss tranquility as the ability to remain calm and at ease no matter what happens. This state is said to be achieved by the deliberate use and management of one’s mind through meditation, prayer or ritual. I prefer the word management to control. Have you tried to control your mind recently? LOL! 

The word often used to describe the state of tranquility is detachment. Something seems to have gotten lost in the meaning of the word detachment from East to West. Western dictionaries define detachment as the state of not reacting to or being involved in something in an emotional way. The eastern definition of detachment is more like: finding and keeping a measure of mental or emotional stability and composure in all circumstances and especially under difficult ones. 

Maybe it seems like splitting hairs but let’s face it, remaining perfectly calm and at ease no matter what happens feels impossible but finding and keeping some measure of mental or emotional stability and composure is doable with practice. We humans are social and emotional creatures. When pleasant things happen to us we get excited. We want to celebrate and share the good news with others. When unpleasant things happen we become angry, frustrated, sad, stressed and disappointed and want or need to share what happened and how we feel with others. Most of us find this process therapeutic and the emotional support from others to be soothing.

In practical terms things that send you over the edge and cause you pain, discomfort and rage by their very nature, carry a heavy emotional charge. When you are able to gain a measure of tranquility those types of experiences will still happen, but the emotional charge will gradually lessen in intensity. It doesn’t mean you’ll ‘bliss’ out and rise above the trouble in a bubble of tranquility. It means you’ll have owned your power and gained the necessary skill to choose productive responses to what happens; to manage your strong and sometimes difficult thoughts and emotions and to find ways to move through our crazy complicated world with a measure of tranquility. 

Put another way, you’ll learn to see things ‘as they are’ and not how you wish them to be. You’ll be able to take skillful action and release from the outcomes of those actions. This is a perspective most of us can work to accomplish even though our lives may be rife with situations that are unpleasant and unsatisfactory. Here is a suggested practices to help you walk the path of tranquility.

Guided Relaxation
In a guided relaxation the voice of the facilitator encourages you to focus on a variety of objects, sounds or experiences to help you reach a tranquil state. Many practices sourced from the yoga tradition start with awareness of and withdrawal of the senses – sight, smell, taste and touch. The sense of hearing  remains active to tune into the voice guiding you through the exercise.

You can find guided relaxations everywhere online. It’s important to listen to the voice, the words, the tone, and pacing in order to choose a voice and technique that is comfortable for you. You can visit my website at https://www.bethgibbs.com, sign up for my newsletter and get two tracks of a guided relaxation for free. 

If you are new to doing guided relaxation practices, or recovering from trauma, look for one that keeps you firmly grounded in the body. You can also choose a protective mental image such as a thick glass wall through which to watch what arises in your mind or body with a bit of detachment. This will enable you to dial down any anxiety or discomfort you might find yourself experiencing during the practice. At any time during the practice, it is always your choice to continue or withdraw completely. Understand that you, not the facilitator, are in control of your experience. 

Note: If you are one of the 15% of folks who encounter ‘Relaxation-Induced Anxiety,’ You may find it helpful to try the following technique before beginning your guided relaxation experience:

1. Try 2 to 5 minutes of Relaxation Breath, a breath technique that does four things at the same time. It:

• Brings your attention to your breath
• Lowers the number of breaths you take per minute
• Lengthens your exhalation
• Calms the nervous system

Instructions

• Sit with your spine comfortably aligned. 
• Soften your chest and shoulders. 
• Close your eyes or keep them slightly open with a downward gaze.
• Inhale normally. Exhale normally. 
• Hold your breath out and silently count “one thousand one, one thousand two.”
• Repeat steps 4 & 5 and continue for 2 to 3 minutes or longer if you are comfortable.  

Playing soothing music in the background is an option for your practice and if you practice regularly, you will be able to use this technique in situations when you must stand and keep your eyes open.

2. Use an essential oil. If the use of essential oils is new to you, try Lavender oil first as it is known for its calming properties. You can inhale it directly out of the bottle, use it in a diffuser or dilute it with a carrier oil and apply it directly to the pulse points on your wrists. 

If you are consistent with your chosen self-care practices, you’ll experience the ability to achieve a measure of tranquility more often and find yourself responding to situations from a tranquil state of awareness instead of a fight, flight or freeze stress reaction. 

Finding ways to practice tranquility in this complicated world we share is an important skill to embrace. 

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