R is for Resilience: A skill to build

This is the seventh post in my blog series based on Bitchcraft, Owning Your Power in a Complicated World. If you missed the previous posts, you can read them here.
Each post references a letter in the word Bitchcraft. This month it’s R for Resilience.


She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.
― Elizabeth Edwards
​

Life does not come with a Global Positioning System (GPS) to help guide our way through the storms of life. In spite of our best efforts we will encounter difficult situations ranging from accidents, opposition, racism, sexism and prejudice, to trauma loss and stress. However, we do not have to be defined by these tough spots. Yes, they can be painful and yes, they will sometimes be difficult to navigate and yes, we may struggle with the physical, mental and emotional outcomes. But those outcomes do not have to define us. Each of us will need to adjust our sails and find the strength to maneuver our way through. One way to adjust your sails and meet those moments is to build resilience.

Resilience is the ability to rebound from a crisis, tragedy, trauma or a serious case of ‘stress mess.’ The term is actually borrowed from the field of engineering, where it refers to the strength and flexibility of a substance or object along with its ability to spring back into shape.

As flesh and blood human beings, we also need strength and flexibility to be resilient and spring back from the stressful stuff of life. Here are examples of two Americans who dealt with more than a few of life’s tough spots.

Jackie Robinson is well known for breaking the color barrier in American baseball in 1947 when he became the first African American to play in the Major Leagues. Robinson had to find the resilience to endure all manner of abuse, but we know he did. However, playing baseball was not the first time he faced a challenge as a Black man in a society that did not recognize or respect his humanity. While serving in the Army he showed courage and resilience when he stood up for equal rights by refusing to move to the back of a segregated bus. As a result he was arrested, court martialed, eventually acquitted of the charges and received an honorable discharge. He managed both of these situations by being clear about who he was, understanding what he faced, and then exhibiting the skill of resilience to meet the challenges.

Ladda Tammy Duckworth was born in Thailand and raised in Hawaii. She is a veteran, a US senator from Illinois, and a mom. In 2004, as a combat soldier in Iraq, her Black Hawk helicopter was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade that exploded in her lap. She lost both legs and some mobility in her right arm. There you have accident, trauma, and recovery. As a senator, she introduced and managed to pass the FAM act, which requires airports to provide a lactation (breastfeeding) space that is accessible to persons with disabilities. Think of the negotiations she had to maneuver and work through to get that piece of bi-partisan legislation passed into law. And then there’s mom-hood. She and her husband have two daughters, both born through IVF. She is the first senator to give birth while in office. That must have been some journey! Think about the resilience she has to stay strong through all of it. She is a woman who clearly owns her power.

Now, not all of us are going to deal with stress and difficulty in the same way. Research has found that resiliency varies from person to person due to a variety of factors, including genetics, but like any skill, resiliency can be learned. Resilient people tend to share several common characteristics. They have:

• Problem solving skills
• Strong social connections
• A survivor mentality
• An ability to manage their emotions

Highly resilient people won’t fall apart easily, and when we do (cause’ we will!), it won’t be for long. Why? Resilient folk call on their inner resources, find ways to adjust their habits, thoughts, and actions and ask for help when it’s needed. The difference between those who are more resilient and those who need more practice may be in how they have developed their self-awareness on all five levels. 

It’s recommended you build your capacity for resilience before you face difficulty. If you are working on living healthier in body, mind and spirit, you’ve been building resilience right along with your Bitchcraft skills. However, it’s important to know that even if you are highly resilient, you will still have moments of falling apart. That’s when your will power plummets, your body slumps, and your mind moves from optimism to mucking around in your personal well of despair. If you are using your best Bitchcraft skills, you will recognize this and find healthy ways to embody clarity, courage and resilience to help you pull yourself together. To become truly resilient it helps to overcome the challenge of inertia.

Inertia is a heavy feeling of being blocked and stuck. It can manifest as a lack of motivation or the inability to take action. It is a major challenge to building resilience, but with deep self-awareness on all five levels you can overcome inertia, build resilience and own your power as you:
​

• Confront challenges standing in your way
• Choose appropriate actions
• Act consistently even when it is inconvenient or uncomfortable.

I’ve found that it’s best to start with small achievable steps. Here’s one suggestion for working with the physical body, the first level of self-awareness.

Shaking Horse.
This practice is typically done standing, but can be easily done seated in a chair. Shaking Horse will energize your body, increase oxygen levels in the bloodstream, stimulate your nervous system and help with mental focus needed to shake off inertia and build resilience.

Instructions

• Stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart.
• Bend your knees slightly and begin to shake your legs.
• Move the vibration up into your torso.
• Next shake your wrists, and move the shaking up your arms to your shoulders.
• Invite your head to join the party if that feels comfortable.
• Feel free to raise your arms or bend forward or backward.
• Shake your body for three to five minutes (or more) a few times a day.
• When done, simply stand, or sit, quietly.
• Feel the effects of shaking your body to shift your energy.

​
    As you work to build your resilience skills, here are a few more wise words to keep in mind as you embody this important quality.

It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.  — Lena Horne

---